


Toxic

by satanicbooknerd



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Explicit Sexual Content, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 14:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13436328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satanicbooknerd/pseuds/satanicbooknerd
Summary: Bruce and Tony are both a fucking mess which is why Bruce is so against and for them getting together.





	Toxic

**Author's Note:**

> A very angsty piece with a little bit of explicit then implied smut. There is also mentions of attempted suicide and suicidal thoughts throughout. All from Bruce Banner's point of view.

Bruce had said it himself, he was like an exposed nerve, every bit of stimulation, even the gentlest of pokes and prods made him want to die…but he couldn’t die. No matter how hard he tried. He was semi-immortal. A demon, a monster. People always tried to tell him otherwise, that he was good and so was the Other Guy, but Bruce knew better. There was nothing good about him. He could find a cure for AIDS and end starvation, but he would always be a monster. Destruction and grief trailed him like a bloodhound, while despair and loathing hung over him like a dark cloud heavy with the weight of his actions. And when it rained it poured.  
Banner hated that he was a monster, but seeing as though he couldn’t kill himself and hiding was impossible with Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. always spying on him he tried to make the best of it, he really did. He tried to help people who couldn’t help themselves, he tried to be a hero and do something right just for once, he tried to stay away, and when that failed he tried sticking around and being a friend. It didn’t matter though, he was worthless, and he was simply biding his time until he figured out how to die or someone did the math for him.

Life wasn’t all bad though, he had found some resemblance of friendship and camaraderie with the Avengers…and more specifically Tony Stark.  
Tony Stark, the reason he felt more naked and afraid than ever before.

Bruce doesn’t know how Tony did it, but somehow, he convinced him to stay.

At first it was Tony’s offer to play in his labs is what drew him in. The promise that it would be the time of his life mixed with a perverse curiosity of what was included in a Tony Stark Lab ™ and the aching need to pretend that he really was just a mild -mannered scientist. Then they began to spend more time together and what turned into a one-week visit turned into a month, which turned into three which morphed into permanent residency. It was unexpected, it was strange, but Bruce found for once he didn’t care.

He didn’t care that he felt like he burden, he didn’t care that he for once was the center of someone else’s universe in a positive light, Hell, Bruce began to like, even _crave_ all of Tony’s attention on him. And then came the touching…god. He usually hated when people touched him (it made him feel trapped), but when Tony touched him it was like being trapped between an angel and a devil. Heaven and hell rolled in one.

He tried to brush it off as merely being thankful for someone treating him so well and his psyche being thrilled with semi-normal human interaction, but it was hard to ignore his feelings when like little parasites thoughts of lust and even _love_ wormed its way into his head late at night while his hand wormed its way down his pants. Aching. Hard. _Alone_.

Finally, he decided it would best to tell Tony all things he was thinking and feeling so he could be soundly rejected and move on with his life. Easy right?  
Wrong. For one Banner never got to take the easy way out, and two in true Stark fashion when Banner expected him to turn right Tony swerved left and rammed through his heart with a simple _yes_.

Yes.

Yes.

_**Yes.** _

Such a small word, and yet late at night when the thoughts took over again and he was now worming his hand down Tony’s pants he held on to that word like it was the last thing to ever exist. And in Bruce’s small, fragile world it was.

Or at least it would eventually be. Eventually. Sooner or later, that one word would be all had left.

You see, Bruce loved Tony. Needed him like the air to breathe. But Banner was no fool. This was the one and only Tony Stark: a man of many talents, jaw dropping good looks, great charm and wit, and _fucking Iron Man_. He could snap his fingers and men and women alike would fight to the death just for a chance for Tony Stark to tell them to fuck off. He was just that amazing. He didn’t deserve a man like Tony.

Well, no one did, but he especially didn’t.

Even though he knew he wasn’t worth Tony’s time it wasn’t just that bothered him about their relationship, it was their toxic natures.  
Bruce and Tony both have had their fair share of problems (who hasn’t?) but their coping mechanisms are terrible (if not entirely nonexistent). While Bruce ran and hid to some third world country Tony ran and hid in a bottle of something to complicated and expensive for Bruce. Pathetic, both of them.

So far things have gone smoothly for them: they held hands, talked, watched movies, cuddled, and had mind-blowing sex but Bruce knew that their toxic natures would combine, and the result would be a chemical bomb destroying everything one in it’s path.

Two chemicals wanting to combine so bad, even though together they were a deadly combo. They were playing a dangerous game, and they both knew it. Every time they brushed past one another, every time they looked in one another’s eyes, every time they held each other and whispered sweet nothings, they knew this was all temporary, and could only end one way.

Dating Tony was like kissing a loaded gun, but Bruce loved the taste of metal in his mouth.


End file.
